Feeling Nostalgic.
I've moved around a lot. Like, a lot a lot. So I have seen my fair share of the world. This has left me with an almost fractured sense of what my past has been. It's almost like I have lived far more than one distinct life.
From Germany as a baby, to New York and Colorado, then Kentucky, Indiana, Philadelphia, and finally Finland. It's been a whirlwind of differing experiences, opportunities, and to an extent cultures, to learn and adapt to.
None of that is to say that I have had a bad life. Quite the opposite, I have quite an exciting one. But it leads me to moments like now... Where I feel extremely nostalgic. But, I don't know what I feel nostalgic for, exactly.
Let me explain.
Over the past few weeks I have felt quite a bit of homesickness. This is normal for someone who lives across the ocean from their family and friends--at least I think. But the problem is I don't know what I am homesick for.
I miss my family dearly. I feel like I have missed out on quite a lot of their lives while I have been off on my adventures. But missing my family is something that never goes away. This feeling is something else entirely.
I miss places distinctly, but from different places in my life. I miss the crazy and emotional times of my teenage years in Indianapolis. I miss the years of making mistakes and desperately searching for myself in Philadelphia. I miss the sense of something new being just around the corner.
It's all a bit intangible, to say the least.
As I write this I get a deep longing for the long summer night drives in the countryside of Indianapolis. I feel myself longing for the adventure that came with living in Philadelphia. I miss the USA, I think. Which may sound weird, given the state of things back home.
My time in Finland has been incredible. I have met amazing people, gained new family and love, learned a new culture and experienced magnificent things. But there is something about me that will always feel distinctly "American", no matter how far away I am.
For those few of you reading this, don't worry. This doesn't mean I am craving a new big change in my life. In fact I am actually very satisfied with where my life is headed. But in these small moments I seek out the comfort of the old and familiar.
I look for the things that I have experienced in my past, and made me who I am today. I look for those flashes of memories that spark this feeling of longing for home again. This makes me quite a bit nostalgic at times.
Or, it could just be that I'm really craving a Philly Cheesesteak right now.
Kiitos,
- Josh
I feel the same at times, even though i have lived in Finland most of my life. I’v moved about ten times in Finland and lived in Shouth Korea and Austria for half a year. My family lives ”only”400km away, but some times it feels like an ocean between us, because i only see them few times a year. I miss all the people from different parts of my life🙂 Or maybe it’s just kolmenkympin kriisi🙊
ReplyDeleteAwe, well we just have to cherish the moments we do get!
DeleteHow about feeling nostalgic for USA even though you've never been there? Hehe.
ReplyDeleteBut I totally get it. Looking back to the music, culture, food and atmosphere of when you were younger, trying to grasp those days when everything was simpler. At least they were simpler to us. It's difficult to say what made those days so special, but perhaps it's us who have changed too. Maybe it would be possible to seize some of that bygone feeling if we were to realign ourselves and look at life through a more positive lens. World seems a bit messy now, but let's try to make the future cooler.
End of random rant :-)
Absolutely wise words!
Delete