JoshofWestern Vs. The Real Josh.

    Hello everyone, and welcome back to the blog that we all forget exists except for about once a year. I finally have something to say again... I guess?

    I won't bore you with my typical introductory ramblings about how I don't post often, ‘this blog is always random’, blah blah blah… Instead I'll just dive in headfirst and hope for the best. 

    It's not very often that a comment on one of my posts makes me pause, or think about it for more than a few moments. On my videos the typical comment consists of viewers resonating with the joke or sentiment, providing their own relatable anecdote, or simply an emoji. But every so often, someone will comment something that sticks with me. 

    That happened not so long ago. 

    You see, I had recently had the chance to be on a podcast with a wonderful content creator named Chico (@chicomuya_offical). In that podcast we had a great time chatting about a wide range of topics that are dear to us and that we spend quite a lot of time thinking about in our personal lives. The only problem is, for all of you who watch my content, you never actually hear my opinions on anything. I make funny videos online and try very hard to make my online presence one of laughter, lighthearted topics, and fun. That's what prompted a commenter to point out something that really caught my attention. 

    In essence, this individual commented, "it's nice to see a more serious side of Josh, rather than the 'jokester'." I'm paraphrasing here, but you get the gist. 

    The sentiment was that viewers only see a side of me that I outwardly present to the public. I present myself as a person who is always looking for a laugh, who never takes things too seriously, and who always wants to make sure those watching end up with a smile. Which isn't too far from the truth. I genuinely do like to live a life full of joy and happiness. However, it forced me to confront the reality of my own presence online. 

    Is who I am online a true and honest depiction of who I am in real life? 

    Look, we all know that social media is almost entirely fake. Whenever we post that carefully posed selfie, or that super 'candid' moment of us eating a burrito, or that gorgeous landscape we wanted to share with the world; we are inherently posting some aspect of our lives that we are willing to share with others.The best of the best, if you will. It's very rare that any of us--'influencer' or not--take the time to share the most raw and ugly parts of our daily lives. 

    The hard truth is, I'm not always happy. In fact, these days I find that I rarely am. That's not something I say to look for sympathy or 'likes'. It's just a fact of where I am now in my life. I am a man who struggles very profoundly with anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsions, loneliness, regret and very unhealthy coping mechanisms. I am a man who often finds himself feeling exhausted at the prospect of turning on the camera and becoming the internet personality version of myself. It's hard to reconcile these aspects of who I am with the person who tries very hard to make people laugh all the time. 

    You see, when we find ourselves following the lives or content of our favorite creators online, we often end up putting them in a box. This is a box that makes them something we can relate to, but also limits them and reduces them down to something that they may or may not be in reality. This isn't necessarily a bad thing--we're the ones who put these personas online after all. But it's still something that I myself as a content creator have tried to come to grips with lately. 

    Am I really okay with knowing that a majority of the people who follow me, don't really know anything about me? Am I okay with them not knowing my likes and dislikes? Am I okay with them not knowing my opinions on difficult subjects, or the way that I feel about the world and my place in it? 

    The answer isn't very exciting. In all honesty, I don't really know. In a sense, I have taken great care to make sure my channels are a place free of toxicity, darkness, and all the things that weigh us down on a day to day basis. However, that doesn't mean that they don't exist. 

    I guess I say all of this just to arrive at one very simple point: 

    Do I really WANT the world to see who I am when the camera isn't on? Do I think they'll find me interesting, or like me the way that they do now? 

Should I care if they do...? 

    When a follower greets me on my worst day ever, should I plaster on a smile and pretend like everything is fine, just so I keep up the illusion that surrounds 'Joshofwestern' and the content HE makes? 

    When you choose to make yourself as public as I have, you get a lot of insecurity along with it. You find yourself worrying that who you really are can never be as good as the image you have portrayed online. This is why that comment, as harmless as it was, struck me so deeply. In the end, I make content because I want to be creative and express my creativity. 

    I also make content because I want you all to like me...

    I hope in the future I can find the courage to make more content that expresses who I am, and all the different sides of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Regardless of how it will make people feel about me.

    Until then:

    I'm Josh Hurst. I am very glad that I can make you laugh whenever I get the chance. I hope if you ever meet me in real life, you aren't disappointed. 

    I love you, Finland.

        Kiitos,

- Josh